First Time
by CptnCRB
Summary: Andy is having surgery and Sharon had every opportunity to say what she needed to say and she didnt take it. My version of what it looked like when she did.


Disclaimer: I get nothing but satisfaction from these stories. They are not mine and I'm just playing with them for a bit.

First Time

The once jovial scene in Andy's hospital room turned somber when everyone realized that he was going into surgery at that very moment. The laughter and smiles quieted immediately. They all looked at each other because the gravity of the situation had brought everyone up short, and the worry that they all felt was palpable in the room. As usual everyone turned to Sharon for reassurance, Rusty noticed, but he could tell she too was overcome with concern for the man that she was dating.

He had come to know this woman, his mother, very well over the last four years and he could tell she was just barely keeping it together for everyone's sake. He helped moved everything out of the room.

Sharon watched as the usually cantankerous and unfazed Provenza fussed over Andy like a mother hen. That in itself would have rendered her undone her had it not been for the fact that her whole division was just outside the room. She wouldn't let herself fall apart, not here and not now.

With her hands full from the paper plate toppling over with the Thanksgiving spread, she stood at the end of Andy's bed watching him and Provenza. When Provenza finally left the room, Andy began. "Listen, Sharon…."

She forestalled what he might say next with a voice thick with emotion; she only said, "Andy….I'll wait for you." She smiled painfully and left the room to join her son and her team.

Sharon knew that she had developed quite the reputation in her years in FID. Her adherence to rules and most police officer's hostility toward officers who chose to work in the Professional Standards Bureau had made her quite unpopular. She was not ignorant of the nicknames she received as a result. Darth Raydor was a particular favorite, and she wore that one as a badge of honor. What hurt, however, was that most people assumed her to be cold and callous and while she didn't let her emotions overtake her when she worked, she felt most things quite deeply. As a woman in the LAPD she had to walk a careful line where she couldn't let herself get too emotional, even if she felt it, for fear it might be used against her. That steadfastness had paid off because she moved up the ranks fairly quickly, eventually being transferred to Major Crimes to take over for Deputy Chief Johnson.

It's almost ironic that the source of her inner turmoil right now was one of the biggest jerks that had consistently given her a hard time while she was simply doing her job in Force Investigations. He was even one of the most antagonistic toward her when she first joined Major Crimes. How they had gotten past their initial dislike for each other she'll never know exactly, but here she was engaging in a romantic relationship with one Andrew Flynn. To be fair, Andy was quite different now than the man she had investigated over the years. Sure, he still was stubborn, hard-headed, and generally infuriating, but she utterly adored him.

When she entered the hallway, her resolve nearly crumbled, and she almost lost it. It took all of her self control to not fall apart right then and there, but her years of discipline and training helped her through this trying time. She was terrified. Terrified that this serious blood clot would take Andy away from her.

"Mom, hey, you ok?" Rusty came up to her and took the filled plate that she continued to carry.

"I have faith this will all work out." It seemed she was trying to convince herself more than Rusty.

She'd only just found Andy, relatively speaking, and she wondered why she was being tested in this way.

She saw her friend ADA Andrea Hobbs come down the hallway. When she got to Sharon, Hobbs delivered the news about Lily Palmer. As the orderlies wheeled Andy's hospital bed past her, he smiled crookedly at her. That smile, she thought. She took a deep breath and smiled reassuringly back at him hoping to show Andy how confident she felt in this surgery's success. She only wished that was how she really felt.

Sharon found herself relating to the young woman who killed her abusive husband. Both she and Lily Palmer had every opportunity to say what they needed to say, but Lily hadn't said anything and neither had she. She felt like a coward. When she searched deep within herself she knew why this was all happening. She wasn't being honest. Not to herself or to Andy. She had let him go off to a surgery he may not come out of without telling him how she felt about him. What was worse, she knew he was trying to tell her something equally important, and she didn't let him. She stopped him.

As she stood there watching Andy get wheeled away from her, she made a promise that as soon as Andy was free from any danger, she would tell him the truth.

The loud snoring next to her startled her awake. When she jumped at the sound, she felt the strains of falling asleep in a waiting room chair on her neck and shoulders. For whatever reason, they made these particular hospital chairs extremely uncomfortable. She looked to her right and saw her son, Rusty, working quietly on his laptop. Looking the other way, she saw the source of the infuriating sound that woke her . Head back, mouth open, still donning that absurd turkey tie, Louis Provenza slept undisturbed. He was oblivious to everything and everyone around him.

The rest of her team had gone home to their families. She appreciated every single one of them for coming to the hospital to surprise Andy. Only Provenza and Rusty were left. They stayed with her and together they waited for Andy's surgeon to come out to update them again or tell them that the surgery was complete. Patrice had come to the hospital once she was able to send her family on their way. However, Provenza had sent her home after a few hours when it was clear Andy's surgery was taking longer than anticipated. A surgeon had come out about two hours prior to tell them that they were having some trouble clearing all of the clot from Andy's carotid artery. It was finally at 9 pm when Andy's surgeon came out herself to tell Sharon, Provenza, and Rusty that the surgery was successful.

"Well, he was certainly a pain the butt, but we got it all." Sharon wasn't exactly a fan of Andy's surgeon, but as long as she did her job she could look past the questionable bedside manner.

"When can I see him?" Sharon wasn't going to be satisfied until she saw his smile again.

"Well, he's still groggy from the anesthesia, but if you'd like to go in now, I'd be ok with that. Just one person at a time, though, he doesn't need everyone there. We don't want to kill him after I just saved his life, do we?" The doctor laughed at her own joke while Sharon simply smiled politely.

"Do you want to go back first so you can get home to Patrice?" She looked toward Provenza who finally woke up when the doctor came out to talk with them.

"I won't be there long. Once I confirm Flynn is as much of a pain in the ass as before, I'll leave. Damn idiot." Despite his grouchy response, Provenza was worried about his best friend and partner.

While Provenza went back to see Andy in recovery, Sharon leaned over to Rusty to see what he was working on. "Why don't you go home. I appreciate you staying with me, but Andy seems to be out of danger now, and you should get some sleep." She put her hand on his head and drew it near so she could place a kiss on it. "Thank you for being here. I love you."

Rusty stood up to stretch and started loading his things into his bag. "I love you too. See, Mom, that wasn't so hard." Rusty looked pointedly at her. "Tell Andy that… I hope he gets better soon." Rusty threw his bag over his shoulder, gave Sharon a quick hug, and left with a raised an eyebrow and a smirk on his face.

Four years ago when she agreed to be Rusty's temporary guardian to ensure his status as a material witness, she would never have guessed how much she would need him, even as he needed her. He had a particularly uncanny ability to show her his own perspective on things. It was his keen observations that allowed her to see the possibilities of a romance with Andy in the first place.

Provenza wasn't gone long, just as he promised. Shaking his head, he stopped in front of Sharon. "Good news. He's still a pain in the ass, and he's still an idiot. Fortunately, he's your idiot. He asked for you. Call me if anything changes. Please."

Sharon had to laugh at her second in command's turn of phrase. "I will. Thank you, Louis. For everything."

"All right, all right. I need to leave. Too much excited for one day, and I don't like excitement." He walked out and raised his arm to say goodbye.

Sharon turned to the automated door and took a deep breath.

Andy tried to breathe through the pain he was feeling in his neck. His nurse has just given him some ibuprofen, and he was waiting for it to take affect to stop the throbbing in his head. He probably overdid it a bit getting into it with Provenza, but damn was he infuriating. Provenza wouldn't have been the first person Andy chose to see when he first woke up, but there was his partner's bulldog face inches away from his own.

"What the hell's the matter with you?" Provenza took the words right out of Andy's mouth. "I ran all the way over here for your damn turkey dinner and I end up with crick in my neck from those waiting room chairs. You are alive, so I'm going home. By the way, the captain is out there waiting for you." Provenza gave Andy a knowing look, and their years working together let Andy know what Provenza was trying to say without saying it."

Provenza left leaving Andy annoyed and worried. The worry turned into a headache that he was now trying to get rid of. The nurse offered Percocet, but Andy didn't want to chance his sobriety with an opioid. Instead, he got a regular over-the-counter painkiller.

He knew Sharon would be coming in any minute, and he didn't want to seem like more of a burden to her than he already felt. Throughout this whole ordeal, he worried that Sharon would see him as someone she had to take care of instead of a partner. He didn't want that. Andy had to admit that despite being somewhat forward thinking on many things, he was still old fashioned when it came to his relationships.

"Andy...?" Andy closed his eyes. He loved the way his name sounded when Sharon said it. He kept them closed a bit longer because his eyes started to sting with tears. He wasn't an emotional guy, well except if the emotion was anger, but the relief he felt in hearing her voice again overwhelmed him. He felt that small, delicate hand on his rough cheek and immediately covered it with his own.

"Andy...what's the matter?" Sharon's voice was tinged with worry as she leaned over the bed rail to study Andy's face. When Andy opened his eyes, his lashes were damp with moisture from unshed tears. Her heart swelled, and her own emotions got the better of her. "I'm sorry, Andy."

"Sorry for what? I'm sorry for putting you through this. You shouldn't have to take care of me or watch over me or be my nurse." Andy was tired.

Sharon gently pressed her index finger to Andy's lips to silence him. "Andy...that's not what I mean." Sharon took a deep breath. This was it. "Andy, I'm sorry I let you go into that surgery without telling you how much you mean to me. The truth is, Andy, I love you, and I have been in love with you for some time. Watching you get wheeled away, not knowing with certainty that you were coming back, and knowing that I didn't tell you... " Sharon couldn't finish. She sat down in the chair next to the bed and clasped Andy's hand. She put her head down trying to regain control of her emotions.

Andy reached out and tilted her face up, so he could look in her eyes. They brimmed with unshed tears. "Sharon, you don't have to apologize. Please know that you have made me so happy that even if I did die, I would have died loving a beautiful, smart, caring, and strong woman. What a way to go, right? If I've learned anything from this surgery, it's that we can't spend our lives being anything less than truthful with each other, good or bad. Promise me Sharon that we don't keep things from each other anymore. At least not the things that have to do with you and I."

Sharon cradled their clasped hands as Andy's eyes closed, his pain finally subsiding. Yes, she confirmed to herself, she loved Andy and she would be honest with him from now on.


End file.
